Aug 21 2017

If I wait I wither, and there is no worse sin than to let time win. I shall not wait for my love to return, because it will never not be with me. My heart lives in every step I take on this earth, with gratitude for the ground below and the space above. When I say goodbye to you, I know that I make room for more love to come through. When I take another step forward my footprint is left on the ground, it leaves my messages of love. I destroy the microcosm that may of existed below my feet. I leave part of me but I do not become less than what I was before, I grow into more, as love is infinite and forever more. Than why may it be difficult for me to part with this love in my heart?
    Parting may produce fear as the end creeps in near. One must die and I do not enjoy the destruction.  My love is the calm silence after the storm. It's the uncertainties with what the west wind will blow forth that pulls my heart in the darkness of the north. This is what I live for, the new birth on the horizon, the sun's devotion to rising.
 I let go and release the pure essence that flows through all things with ease. When I grip or grasp that flow of love, the infinite union of all things in me is no longer free. I am an Aries, child of this earth, free is the only thing I wish to be. This one true essence can only be if all love flows free through me. The grip the grasp, the irrational fear that if I let go it will not come back the same. In science I was taught the one thing that is constant is change, yet life taught me one thing that will always remain is love. The love in its essence is pure, ever flowing, always coming, constantly growing. The mind is what changes, and through this metamorphising lens we experience changes in love. And love is not to blame, for it is the same. The mind controls the game, and what controls the mind? Nothing. The idea of control can be a dirty trickster, giving you all the comfort that everything is going how you planned. So let's not be fixed on her, or him, or any outcome that let's us think we win. The only way we can lose at this game of life is to lose sight, because love is our birth right. 

Backpacking Aftermath

               I've returned. Returned to this blog, returned to North America and more importantly returned to my previous mindset. I'm back and sorry I never said goodbye. I never knew I was leaving and I wish to never go again. It wasn't the brightest of places I've been. My last blog was over 6 months ago and I am not proud of how the time sense has been spent. I'm not sure where my goals went when my body arrived at "home." I got caught up in indulgence and the American way of life. I found it impossible to be on my own frequency yet to connect with the people of my surroundings. It's not to say they don't exist here, I just didn't try hard enough to seek those whom may understand my tone. I chose to become a drinking drone instead of the wiser decision of remaining alone. I dumbed myself down and numbed out the sound of my higher conscience. I never thought it to be possible, once my vail of ignorance had been lifted I assumed the position I was gifted; yet my need for stimulation caused a fluctuation in my vibration.
         It's taken 6 months of 'Killingtime' in order for me to get back on track. I've created change fast and my future still holds a pretty radical path. After a few months of Bartending in Killington I have not saved up the money I had hoped to send me on my next adventure out of this country. I have however developed a great position in a warm restaurant that feels like family; to the extent that I even contemplated sticking around for the summer to discover what the mountain may bring after spring. Yet another opportunity awaits and my instinct told me it t'was my fate. Thus I venture to New Hampshire where I shall work as a white water rafting guide and event manager of North Waters Outfitters --- http://beoutside.com/
           I look forward to reconnecting my mind and body on the frequency of this planet; to being in nature with the unknown spontaneity around every corner of all my undefined days. It seems this foreseen change of wind has encouraged me to begin the trek back to my highest version of being. My first step is in motion, Step 1: Continue writing- blog and journal entries!

Rhythmic Expression, Poetic Possession

Killingtime 
These days are filled with time that I drown in.
Time to kill before it kills me.
I stay still as time moves and the motions of previous notions grow stale.
The cold winter air chills the desires, the reasons for one to be admired.
Soon I will sink if I don't face this brink of oblivion.

It's a reality that wasn't real to me, this society of 9-5 work and grind.
I don't function well in these conformities and normalities.
The change I desire is hard to transpire while living for the sake of making money.
The green dream runs a machine world and hands become soft; the mind becomes one tracked as time gets traded and life becomes jaded.

That's not my life.
It may have been a moment or a glimpse of darkness when I lost power.
Yet the lessons obtained will remain even as I refrain from all I can gain.
As I stood still, time moved on and my mind ran.
It ran laps around my ambitions as I contemplated all the things I should be doing.
The intention is there and the devotion will come like a breath of fresh air.
As I breathe in new surroundings my life force of change is fed.
No more eating stale bread and wondering why I still have hunger.
No longer will I blunder and sit in this cloud I am under.

What is bringing in this light I wonder?
The seasons of change welcome spring and the bells of reasoning ring.
As life sprouts from the ground I grow like that of which is around.
I feel the sound surround me and I'm elevated by these vibrations.
Alterations in concentrations and releasing of frustrations.
Blossoming beginnings and putting forth energy towards the light source.

As the sun shines with opportunities my eyes glisten in the bliss I was missing.
I am returned to myself after taking a hiatus from my higher conscience.
My frequency is in tune as I remove the static from my life and I resume.

Internet > Ink

          I began furiously writing in my journal, it had been a few days sense I found the time to write without rhyme, or to give time for a second thought, no audience to recognize I missed a dot I write every day but not always without a plot. I write my dreams down every morning, not from my heart but from my mind. A testimony of a recollection from a life lived in another realm. I write this blog, when I feel an inspirational urge to intrigue myself with what I may conceive I surge onto the web and splurge with analytical me. My last writing releases are possibly my most rewarding, consisting of happy how are yous to and fro my friends and family. But when I write in my journal I get a different sense of satisfaction. I release literally everything, without thinking twice of how to delicately lace my words to give you a taste of my nerves. In my journal I don't worry about who will read it and what they may think of me, or how they might detect my tone to be known as anything other than postive, insightful, or interesting. I write about all ends of the spectrum until that infuriating moment when your pen runs out of ink. Which brings me to my blog and its title, Internet wins the longevity award.

               Why I originally was drawn towards my blog was because I wanted to share that I finished another book today. No I didn't read a book in one week. I like to read multiple books within the same time period. Along with a few other novels I had been reading Sentimental Education by Robert Gustave. When I began the journey into these pages it became a cumbersome chore. Embarrassingly enough this is my first classical feat. Written to take place in the mid 1800's this book is full of wits and historical bits. Looking over the last 100 pages genuinely gratified me. Not because I was nearing the end of what began a trechorous path, instead I was enjoying the words that took me there. I even felt a solem undertone when I defeated the last page.
                I can relate this trivial matter to so much more in life. I'm able to take a step back and acknowledge the fact that I may have a short attention span. That I definelty get satisfaction in completion. That my vocabulary is no where near diverse enough for me to converse without sounding arbitrary. That often times I take things for granted until they are no longer a peice of my life. This book which is so beautiful and delicate, every page portraying an era with such vivid expertise, this book I wanted to overcome. To dominate it. To devour it. Then when I felt it slipping away, with every page turning I'm reminded that the end is near. I mourn the end like I'm about to lose a dear friend. This I can acknowledge. The fact is I'm not mourning a great loss. The fact is my emotions aren't involved. This fact allows me to see a great deal more than my relationship with a good book.

Balance- The Underlying Force of Longevity in All Things

A few days ago I began a new balancing exercise. Although I've added to my yoga routine, I am not speaking of physical balance. Instead I'm searching for the equilibrium within.  This unfolding started with me personally relating to each chakra. I compared my issues and attributes at the 7 different levels; from there I thus deciphered my chakras in relation to having excess or deficient energy. 

Exercise: I visualize the first chakra; its position on my physical body and the role it plays in shaping my abstract existence. I watch the waves of energy circle around this point and move up towards my second chakra. I picture each one in equal depths to the first and visualize the waves gravitating upward to each level. From personal diagnosis my excessive chakras are believably chakras two and three, here I emphasize the energy moving up. By releasing energy from these overwhelmed systems I can carry the waves upward to vitalize my deficient chakras. I then do the same exercise in reverse by bringing the energy back down. This continues back and forth until I feel as though I've reached an equal distribution of energy within my system.

         As I was doing this a few times, I began to feel as though I was achieving some sort of equilibrium. My energy was circling the 6th chakra, positioned at my third eye, then syrandipidty struck at its finest. A bird came close enough to my forehead that I could feel the wind from it's wings flapping and sense it's heart fluttering just as fiercely.  Can it just be a coincidence that a bird vocalized next to my pineal gland as my energy was centralized in this area? Sure, but where's the fun in that? One of the main points I've gathered from my readings about growth of the upper chakras, bringing one to a higher level of consciousness, relies on lessons in symbols. There is a great deal of importance in the ability for one to recognize a symbol and decipher it's significants. Everyday we are faced with symbols, visual cues from above, whether we chose to see them depends on the eagerness for growth in the individual. The other day I went off on my own, Kona the resort pitbull, decided to join me. As we spent all afternoon swimming and rock picking I continuously recognized so much understanding between us. Then, while floating on my back, as I began to ponder this realization, two leaves from separate parts of the sky conjoined and fell to the water together. This moment sticks in my mind for the timing was impeccable. The key to finding significance in symbolizism is hidding in your thoughts or actions when this 'coincidence' appears. A few weeks ago I was desperately eager to find feathers. I had just learned how to make dream catchers and my only missing ingredient was feathers. Weeks passed as did my longing to acquire said object. I started focusing my creative energy on coconut rings; I had all the necessary ingredients for its creations. Suddenly feathers started appearing. I came back from a dive, chipper and care-free, when I looked down to see a feather, sitting on the dock, resisting the gusts of wind. Symbols arrive at pivotal points in our life and we must dissolve it's worth as more than mere coincidences.

                  Even this post gave me so much more clarity than I intended. When I began writing a few hours ago it started as venting. Getting my frustrations off my chest; my lack of diving, my dislocated knee, my disagreement with a coworker, my saddened state-of-mind. When I went back and read it all I decided that I do not wish to share my self-pitty with the world. Then I started a new paragraph. Due to lack of proper technology I post from my iPhone, anyone whose written letters on a small 
touchpad may be feeling my pain. Anywho it's hard to follow every function, somehow I pasted an address over my entire post. I was confronted with a clean slate. I started fresh and released what you are reading as soon as it found me. 

Rhythmic Expression, Poetic Possesion 
~ I apologize for my lack of poetic inspiration. All of my creative concentration was released in the above implications.

Medicine of the Mind

                I haven't dove  today. It's a form of meditation I look forward to when I awake. My instructor once said to me he doesn't need to meditate or do yoga, diving  is his mental medicine. When I first heard this I had my doubts. How can you replace the intense clarity that you embrace from bringing your mind to an open space? I still strongly recommend for people to put time aside each day to enter their happy place. However, now I see that diving can provide the euphoric restoration needed to enter a state of peaceful mediation. A big part of meditating comes from focusing on your breathe. When you are under water, breathing from a regulator connected to your air source, the only means of surviving, each breath is on the fore-front of your mind. You breathe in, your lungs expand as they fill with air, your body starts to rise and you near the surface. During the exhale you sink deeper into the depths of the ocean and your mind is miraculously cleared. When I'm diving in caves, fitting through small spaces, nearing the invasive specie I'm about to spear or being followed by guests watching my every movement, buoyancy is one of the most significant signs of professionalism or pure skill; breathe control is the key to successful movement under the sea. This constant attention to ones breathing, in an altered environment where gravity doesn't feel as though it exists, surrounded by life that seems almost alien, is one of the most powerful forms of mediation I've experienced. 

Rhythmic Expression, Poetic Possession

People, places, new sights and faces.
Travel to new gravel let your thoughts unravel. 
Wander with your body and mind at the same time.

As your learn how to live you learn you must give.
Give love, give trust, give hope for tomorrow.
Hope for happy people to coexist without use of a fist.

No needed force to fish, to feed people as we wish.
No sense to drain the supplies, our means to survive.
No abuse of the land, no creatures we have the right to ban.

In time more will understand and offer a helping hand.
The change seems like a volcano were hiking about to erupt.
The difference we make will not be abrupt. 

We can't reach our goal fast but each day is better than the last.
We can't fix our brother, or mother, or any other.
But when your inner light shines bright people tend towards what's right. 

Pandora's Box

                 Today I finished reading my novel. Success! It feels like a milestone completed. When I graduated college (1 yr ago) I slipped out of a regular routine of reading. Now, for myself, I'm a book worm. I have a feeling that most of you reading this aren't impressed; wow Tyler, you read a book! For me this small accomplishment symbolizes much more than a simple read; it symbolizes my ambition, my drive, my potential to push myself to new limits. This book could be a mountain I climbed, a language I learned,  or a house I built. But it's not, not yet. For now it's just a book. A fascinating one at that. I mentioned this in my previous blog but it's worth repeating; the novel is Eastern Body Western Mind by Anodea Judith. I've read all the pages but I've yet to finish my work with the book. There are a few exercises for one whom wishes to find a better balance within. It's not portrayed as a self-help book but it has taken this role in my life. I feel as though I've opened up the Pandora's Box of my soul. By releasing these demons I can decipher their origin and bring clarity to the cause of my actions.

                       I've been feeling the positivity bursting out of me like a shaken up bottle of pop freshly cracked open. I am so thankful to regain the happiness within. I lost it when I broke my heart. Notice how I mention I broke my heart. Before I was even separated from my significant other I was heartbroken. Not for the predicted loss of him but for the fact that I had lost myself. I lost everything I held dear, my independence, my solidarity, my confidence, my self-assurance, and maybe most importantly my overall care-free, happy-go-lucky state of being. I've been down before, but each time I get up I stand stronger.


Rhythmic Expression, Poetic Possession

We write words in an attempt to define our feelings.
I have a hard time literally expressing my emotions.
You may be able to read my happy hopes of humble hedonism;
but does it make your heart skip a beat as you discover my devotions?

I want to wrap my sentences around you like I would my arms;
hugging you with every syllable you sound as you read aloud. 
When distance defines the resistance of our regression we are held together by words.
We tend to chose them more wisely, no slurs or blurs or ders or mumbled nerves. 

Maybe the healthiest relationships are those spent with geographical barriers.
With plenty of space to erase the chaos, the chase, the catty race, we are only left with our words.  
Many say actions reveal our true face, the essence of one they must embrace.
Without actions to describe the one we've prescribed there's no room to lay lies.

The emotions are right here, written for your eyes to read.
Your vision of me is thus conceived. 
You cannot compare it to how I acted last night or what I said in anger this morning. 
You only know the truth you've been lead to believe. 
Is this an illusion or an accurate conclusion? 

What Shines A Light Must First Endure Burning

     

    Subconscious stimulation ~
           I have recently been putting more efforts forth to work the muscle of my third eye. As most muscles work more efficiently when constantly tuned the same can be said for the pineal gland, the spiritual tissue of our minds. It's a tool that can be extremely useful if we know how to tap into the subconscious to  achieve an understanding of the archetypal framework of our inner-workings. I've been getting closer to clairvoyance by daily meditation in multiple forms. One of my favorites, simple yet stimulating, applicable for any human, is a thoughtful breathing practice.

EXERCISE: Take full deep breathes, when you breathe out motion the release of your breath with your hands pushing away from your body. As you do this motion imagine the things you wish to dispose of in your life, whether they are thoughts. feelings, actions, people, objects or addictions. When you breathe a slow,full breath, begin to move your extended arms towards your heart, as you breathe in the love, positivity, acceptance, discipline and devotion towards a better self. Now do this over and over again until you have released and obtained what you wish to contain.

 Dissecting Dreams* 

                        The current novel I'm nearing the end of my read is Eastern Body Western Mind by Anodea Judith. I would recommend it to anyone whom is wishing to evaluate the chakra system in relation to themeself for a deeper psychological understanding. The author mentions the importance of recollecting dreams because they are a pure interpretation of ones subconscious integrating with their conscious. By writing down your dreams you can go back and decipher what the symbolism is expressing about yourself. 

EXERCISE: Before you go to bed make the affirmation that you will remember your dream come morning. By acknowledging this desire your cognitive abilities of awakening with a memory will increase. Your conscious can be trained of many things, as well as the ability to recall your dreams. When you wake up stay in the position that you are, if you roll on one side recognize this and roll back to your initial waking position At this time let your mind sit as your dreams may be surfacing. Be sure to write your dreams down immediately. Write them in first person, recalling every color, inanimate object, person, animal, smell, and most importantly feelings provoked. At first you may not remember your dreams, this is not from lack of dreaming, everyone dreams every night. Dreams can be suppressed by alcohol or other drugs that interrupt the cognitive ability of your conscious. 

Rhythmic Expression, Poetic Possession  
There is euphoria in the air and with every breathe it enters my being.

Excitement, enticement, appeal to all that's real. 

To people that talk with meaning. 

Words are powerful, they can be electrical.

Sending energy waves for days.

Leaving an impact on those they attack.

I feel like a sponge that soaks up the spirit of my surroundings. 

In the right light I feel the might, the movement, the love for life

But when it's not so bright I feel the fight and I fight back.

I absorb and I reflect; project the waves that were sent my way. 

It's important for me to choose who I wish to see, who's energy will be with me.

But on an island this choice has been made for me.

It's a challenge and better yet an opportunity for growth.

Every storm waters the seed within.

Tomorrow brings the sun, shinning vibes that are positive. 

I met a backpacker yesterday. 

We talked until tomorrow.

No speaking of sorrow.

Just love, words sent from above. 

I am filled with a lust for life.

Reminded of the beautiful people I may find. 

Their traveling souls fill the holes. 

And again I am completely alone but no longer empty